I've been reading this book by Harris twins that really got into me on reading (if you've read my past blog you would know what i'm saying) And every time I read a new chapter..it just makes me smile, and inspire me so much to really go out there in when you're all hype or not. The topic I read awhile ago was a bout doing big hard things-and I'll keep saying this, it's been what God was telling me ever since but still here I am still planning.. or just thinking :(.
Talking with people on my same age or close was the biggest challenge I'm having now, physically, emotionally and spiritually.. I don't know where to begin, I always ended up crying on my quiet time with God, even now I get teary eyes just imagining how hard and hurtful it could be. Since I got a deeper relationship with the Lord I always wanted to know a lot more people and just share the same feeling I'm having with Him, but until now I haven't found any. I have talked to my friends in philippines, and I'm thankful that even if the difference of our time is impossible to think that you could able to talk to them still happened, These people are Mico, Ate Aleli and Ate Gela and Ate Andy.. Yea almost all of them are Ate's.. I mean they really are my ate's, I'm merely touched with God for letting me talk to them, cause I haven't really let my emotions out to anyone, well I did it before with Marcy our Pastor's wife, thinking about it now made me wanna shrink cause we ain't that close and I almost told her everything and letting her show my shtoopid tears. And lots more older people in our church, cause it seems like they're the only ones who could understand me.
It's just so amazing how God put everything in places in my life, I couldn't even take all the credit by myself, cause really it was Him who did everything. Longing for a true friend who I could really talk to, not with problems.. not even close to that, just being with the people who soulfully live their lives according to what God wants them to live. And just share His love to others who doesn't know Him or may know Him but haven't accepted His love, and just be an encouragement to this generation that expects to learn Him when they get old, just to feel the sinful things that our flesh desires, and be slaves to it.
* But how I could I do that in a place where I didn't grew up?
* In a new culture that I thought I knew before?
* In a place where I get so intimidated with everything?
* How could I start when there's no way to start?
I know this questions are so bogusly irritating to hear, complains that seems to be easy to know the answer, but I just got dumbfounded with the thoughts in my mind, I pray to God that I may see these not just for my own desires but to glorify His name. I am more than thankful with the people He let me meet to give me a boost when I'm about to fall and encouragement when I actually fall, and just wonderful enough to tell me to continue to know Him more cause truly God has a lot for me to see at to know and to learn, I just feel so blessed in this downfull situation that older people (talk about 30-50's) don't see me less the fact that I'm just sixteen and sixteen supposed to be bad on that age. But it just feels so empty not having a friend physically on same age range.