Cool is Uncool

I was hurt by this one guy because I gave all my love to him without him knowing it. I wanted to look cool in front of him that I decided not to show that I love him so much. I hold myself on following him when he left me inside the bus and transfer to another when we had a fight. I wanna cry but I don't want him to see that I care. When he broke up with me with just a small reason I didn't try to get him back even if I can... I could've save our relationship but I acted cool. Instead of getting back with him, I look for another guy to tell him that he's not all that.We lasted only for a month but I have feelings for him for more than 4 years. He only knew my name when he started courting me but I already know his name for more than 4 years. No I didn't woo him.. I don't even know why he suddenly approach me.

After one month of our break up he contacted me maybe just to be a casual friend.. I was not over him but I wanted to show him I was. Then I told him our relationship was not serious so their should be no awkwardness then I asked him why did he broke up that time.. then he told me he just want me to come to him, kinda feel like he's needed, but I found a replacement so fast that's why he didn't renconcile with me.

OUCH!.. ouch! I wanted to beat myself up that time. I was watching Marry Me, Mary this week and Jung In told Seo Jun (Seo Jun and I kinda have the same storyline) "Your act of being cool made you lose your love one"... I'm paraphrasing as soon as they upload the english subbed for that episode I'll change this.

But I moved on already, He contacted me again this year and told me he was sorry for what he has done which by the way I didn't expect will happen. He was kind of a bad boy and I was also hurt by him in different areas but... I didn't know I hold grudges at him that time until he asked for forgiveness.

Anyway the lesson for me... don't act cool because in love you need to be stupid. hahahaha.. I hope he will not read this.. I doubt that he would know my true feelings.. only me and my readers will know about it. I wanna add a song related to my story but I can't find any. hahaha.. >.<

Sick

Early morning today I woke up feeling like I'm about to die, I felt like my heart is shrinking and my backbone starts breaking into pieces.. I literally thought that I was dying because I was in so much pain, I don't know what to do if I should let myself be in pain dying while sleeping.. (seriously) But I couldn't sleep. I remember what my sister did when she was in pain before and I was the only one awake.. she went outside of our room and told me to pray for her, I was in shock when she asked me that time and I did pray for her but after that I ponder to myself.. Who do I call unto when I'm in pain? Who do I ask for help? My sister could've prayed for herself that time.. the Lord is listening, but He also said when two or more are gathered there He will be.. When I was feeling like I'm dying this morning I thought of what my sister did, I went to my parents room and told them what I was feeling and after telling it to them I started throwing up.. and after that I was relieved for a bit. I was scared to wake them up that hour because they might get mad but instead of getting mad they gave me love, even if it was 3AM in the morning they did all their best for me to be relieved.. I slept beside my mom because I knew I wouldn't feel better if I go back to my room.

I'm just so grateful to have parents beside me. This situation also remind me of when I was a little kid. When I catch a cold or fever I would go to my parents and the first thing they will do is to pray for me.. before I didn't see that it works but looking back now I am so thankful for my Father for always healing me, He is faithful and He will answer if we just ask. :D

New Journals!!!

My mom bought me two journals!! Weee! I'm so happy, I always want to get the journal she gave for my sister because she doesn't use it... but she's so selfish and said there will be a day that she will use it. hahaha. Anyway I love to write, I'm not really good with words as you can see with my blog but I just love to write.. I love writing in school than typing... Especially when I make essays I usually handwrite it then type in a computer, because I feel more like words are more real when it's like that.. I don't know.. what do you think?

I just need a reason to use it.. I still one that I'm using.. hopefully I'll use it for school next year! wee! I don't wanna expect but I'm still hoping :D

Missing my cousin

She made this for me while I was babysitting them for the summer. I figured she put S on top of my head because she doesn't know how to spell my name.. "Yssa" is not a common nickname so I understand her.. it's just funny how she uses the second letter as the replacement.. Love you Karyn!... Ate Yssa misses you so much!

Bubba Gump Shrimp

I just love this photo.. I took a lot of photos from the statues of other artists in Madame Tussauds but this one will be my favorite... Forest Gump looks so innocent here... and it's the movie I watched with my Aunt in her house.. :D I miss my tita!

Reality

I still expect her to come in from our door. I still feel that person still lives with us when she's not.. I miss her voice even if sometimes it irritates me.. because now that I don't hear it.. I can feel the void.. I still wait for her to come and say that everyones made it safely home...

 I need to open my eyes and see the reality that everybody is moving forward... and I should too.. that I should look forward to that day..

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But I don't feel that way.. I'm scared, I don't wanna grow up.

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Why do I say these things when I profess myself as a Christian?.. because I'm just a human being.. Lord help me to get of this comfort zone.. give me that heart to grow up and take some more responsibilities.

Shocked

I never really thought that someone would think of browsing my site.. for me this blog is just my outlet for my fandom, I never really cared if people reads it.. I used as my diary for random stuff but mostly on Korean stuffs but it just makes me smile when I get comments and it's not about Kpop..

Anyway I have been on hiatus this summer break because of my job, but one more week then I'm back! A lot of things happen that I wanna share but I felt that it's too late to blog about them so... yea..move on.

Anyway, I found a good blog bigbangupdates, 21bangs, princekyu and ceciliase7en (same person who helped iYAB fans for the d-cut dvd..many thanks!) try to check those sites too =D

What I hate the most

When someone ask me to do something then they end up doing it again because they don't trust me..

Actually it pisses me off.. For example Mr.A asked Mr.B to double check if the lights are switch off before they leave the office.. then Mr. B went and check every corner then he went back and confirmed to Mr.A that all of it are switch off.. but Mr.A is not so convinced because Mr.B is still young and he might be just slacking off and telling him that everything is switched off even if it's not because he's too lazy to go all the way from the end of your office.

And I'm always on Mr.B's position.. please?! Why can't trust me.. I wanna help but why don't you believe in me. sigh...

I don't know, I feel like I need to let this out somewhere, God knows what's happening inside of me, I know I'm not suppose to have this feeling.. but what can I do I'm just a human.

Tearhere

Why did I name my blog as tearhere?.. I have the lamest answer for that. There's a TV Commercial before where they're a band and they don't know what to call themselves and one guy was eating a Chippy (It's like Cheetos) and saw the sign "tearhere" in the bag and TADA they have a name!.. and I find myself in the same situation when I first signed up here in blogger. I wish I have a better meaning to say but there isn't.

My brother vectorized my photos four years ago and I found it on my old site.. it's pretty neat huh?.. I have a talented brother ^_^ He did this when he's just starting to vector.

Eighteen

When I thought I should stop celebrating my birthday, everybody is celebrating it for me. lol. I wasn't really in the mood of celebrating it like I did in my past birthdays. It just makes me sad that on my 18th birthday I'm not with my friends, where I should be having a big birthday bash... But I guess I can't have everything. If I think about it again.. it's not really a big loss.. I can never take it to heaven.


So yea, instead of eating outside I requested to just stay at home and buy me ice cream and a cake that has my name on it then I'm okay. I didn't have a name on my cake but it's so delicious and so pretty that I can't cut it with my own hands.. haha! And my mom bought foods that are good for one week :)) And I'm very thankful for everything. God knows what can make me smile =D..

And I got a new guitar too! It was totally unexpected, I know they were planning something because my churchmates are not good with telling lies.. hahaha! When I saw the guitar center sign I was like "Are you gonna buy me a guitar??"... "Is my favorite artist is gonna play for me there??" (this one is my craziness) "Don't tell me your making me play in there! No in the highway!!!" So yea they were like choose any guitar Yssa.. I hope I came prepared that time, but I really felt that I choose a right guitar for me.. it's Ovation and the cheapest there.. I was too shy to choose the pricey one but I know I got a good deal with my guitar.. So I'm very happy! God knows what I needed.. I didn't even pray for it.. I only wished for it in my own crazy mind, but I guess even those crazy thoughts God hears and if it's His willing, He will allow it.. Thank You Lord!..


My mom bought me balloons that I always wanted to have in my birthdays because I can feel it's my birthday :D And I envy my sister for having one when she was young. And I told them to have a family picture because it's been three years since our last one.. We really had fun taking pictures. =D.. I'm happy that it ended nicely.. nothing to worry about getting home early and everything is very relaxed just the way I wanted it to be :D

You better get ready for a big surprise!

Because of this song I met my bestest friends =D.. It may not be successful thing in our teacher's eyes but for us it was a very special memory that we will forever treasure. We didn't bring any materials for our T.L.E. project and those who didn't bring anything will stand at the back of our room.. then Ms. DGmon asked as one by one if we have one material that she told us to bring if we do have we can sit but the four of us (Mico, Dom, Julian and Me) didn't bring anything that's why we kept standing.. it's kinda shameful for us to be there standing because first we are girls and second we are girls.. haha! Usually when a teachers punishes their student, the students can't even raise their heads because of embarrassment, but that's the total opposite of what we did.. we keep on chatting about random stuff then out of nowhere Mico shared her experience in her old school about a girl who looks awkward dancing the "Yes Yes Show" of Parokya ni Edgar then we end up copying her and we were the only making noise in our room and that made my teacher burst into anger and sent us to the principal's office which is very very big deal because we skipped the first level which is the "guidance counselor".. it was really scary for me because that's my first time being sent there.. I was not a good student but I'm not bad either. So instead of being close to our Homeroom teacher she hated us the whole school year.. we never got high mark in our cards in her subject.. But through her and the yes yes show song we became close and still are =)

You're Beautiful Director's Cut DVD!

Finally it's here! 3 months of waiting!... I can be calm now.hahaha! Well I just found out today that the dvd is not available in my region.. boohoo.. my hopes on watching it on our TV is gone, it depends if my sister will buy me a free region dvd.. or if my brother can fix our dvd player, but anyway I'm just happy that I can finally touch it. and the freebies are great!.. watching it on my laptop wouldn't be so bad.. so yea it's all good ^_^..

For those who have not gotten their copy I'm sure it'll arrive soon! I will still keep visiting YAB Soompi Thread because the extras are not subbed.

Tokki is now a Baby Mama!

One of our bunnies gave birth to five baby bunnies yesterday. We didn't see it coming.. we weren't actually sure if she's a she. I doubted that she was a girl because you can't really identify it, but Patty have this strong gut feeling that she is a girl... but we never expect her to be pregnant because she's still a baby! Well she looks like one because she's a dwarf bunny but we were so shocked. For now we don't know what to do.. I'm sure if we have a bigger place we will keep all of them but since we're not that fortunate I know we will end up giving it away.. But I wanna keep at least one! We have to check if it's a male first!

Quote of the Day

Food Magnets

This afternoon we went to Universal City with Ate Pearl to watch a movie, we ran across this store that sell random stuff and found this cute food magnets, it looks so real that it makes you wanna grab and eat it..

Onigiri Fail/ Ramen Soup Erasers

I bought these ramen soup erasers few months ago and I just used it last week while I'm doodling and found out that you can actually open it and has noodles inside too. I get all happy with these little stuffs. hehehe. I remember when I'm still in grade school rainbow erasers are such a big hit that time (and it has a scent too) but my mom never gave us one because it's too expensive for us. I don't know if it's really expensive that time, or maybe my mom just doesn't wanna spoil us.. when it comes to...erasers... ? lol.

I tried making kawaii onigiri rice balls.. but it didn't turn out the way I wanted it.. I didn't check online how to make it and just do it on my own.. but it looks 1/4 kawaii right?... hmmm -_-" You can tell which rice balls I put my effort on, I ran out of idea so three of them looks bleh..

Venice Beach

My dad suddenly wants to go to Venice Beach despite of the cold weather.. It was my first time to see Venice Beach and I liked it.. not the crowdy place where they sell random stuffs, I just like the beach alone.

My family only sees me as a....

..Rice cooker T_T lol. Since when did I sign-up to be a rice cooker? Why blame me if there's no rice.. I know it's not a hard task for me to complain but it's also not a hard task for them to do it...

Lol just kidding.. I love my family, I'm happy they didn't put me to be in charge with cooking.. but is it really hard to cook that I even have to do the dishes?.. ( =]] )

What's inside my bag

Here goes my self centered post. I was thinking of my old bag that I used when I was still in high school and made me think of the things I put inside my bag. And it's totally different from my current stuffs. I use to have baby powder, hair doctor comb, mirror, make-up and crappy things.. Now the only make-up that I have in my bag is lip-gloss (is that counted?)... I like having a big bag even if I don't need a lot of space for my things because when I buy stuff I don't like holding to many plastic bag in my hands, and there's a tendency to lose it.

I can't leave our house without my bottled water. I don't care how heavy my bag will be. lol. My zune is a must, no one borrows my zune because of my taste of music.. what's wrong with that?.. and my mini Bible, you don't know who I will come across with and it's the best book to read. Hair ties and Bobby pins in case I'm having a bad hair day.

Not my room

I'm using my brother's room because it's cozy in here and it's the only place that our wifi can reach.. I know, weird huh?.. I'm bored and took photo of what I'm seeing now.. Go check 21evo.com for 2NE1 News!